My Life On Lockdown - So Far

This crisis the world is experiencing at the moment is beyond unusual, unique and frightening. As the death toll keeps rising daily, most of us are locked away, at home, hopefully safe and sound.

While we are all so grateful to our essential workers around the world for being out there and keep our world turning around for us all, we can't help but think and fear for their safety. Some of these everyday heroes may even be part of your family or dear friends, which makes the agony even so much more personal and close to home.

When this all began here in the UK, my first experience with it was while doing my regular weekly food shop on a Saturday morning, to realise that, at 9 am, there was barely anything left in the shop! No canned food, no frozen food, no pasta, no rice, no bread, no gluten free stuff apart from lasagna sheets, no toilet paper. And I thought to myself, "what a bunch of selfish and irresponsible idiots!" Photos in the media of elderly people facing empty shelves literally broke my heart. This panic buying, I later realised, is well beyond being utterly selfish (even though I still think it is) - it is also for some people a coping mechanism in times of crisis. Loss of control will bring a hyperaction in areas of your life you CAN actually control, to counterbalance the equation, leading to this type of compulsive behaviour.

A week after this happened, I started working from home for a couple of weeks, which I was quite lucky to be able to do, as my buses were being reduced to one per hour. During this time, I avoided going outside, only for cash and food shop. I did go one morning to my local park for a short run, which felt great, but learning that you spread more germs in the air that way really put me off, especially when there were people walking their dogs - which they have to do. It didn't seem fair on them.

I was then off on holiday for a week, and my days followed pretty much the same pattern. After my holiday, I was put on the furlough scheme, which I was quite grateful for, because, in these circumstances, my head just wasn't with phoning customers to get sales or sorting out purchase invoices. So furlough for me was a complete relief.

I am a natural indoors person and have many hobbies and interests that are indoor-orientated so, I have to admit, staying home does not bother me; it gives me the chance to do what I usually struggle to find time to do on normal weeks. I genuinely feel for outdoorsy people, being stuck at home, feeling trapped, almost claustrophobic. I know many people like this and, having spoken to some, all they want is go back to work, even if it means exposing themselves to risk, so they can be out of their house.

This is when mental health plays an essential part. Their habitual mental health preserving techniques are all mostly based on outdoors so it is a dangerous pitfall, and I am not surprised to hear people falling into depression on top of being scared about the situation of our world and people's health.

As I have plenty to do to entertain myself, I felt for quite a few weeks that this crisis hadn't affected me too much in that respect. I have Netflix, Amazon Video and Now TV, so plenty to watch (even though, apart from following my regular shows and binge-watching season 3 and new season 4 of The Last Kingdom, I haven't really watched TV that much). I started de-cluttering my living room - still a long way to go -, finished an online course I was studying, started a new one, journalled A LOT to get it all out of my system rather than bottling it all in, homeschooling my teenage son on things I have no clue about, reading, exercising regularly as part of my morning routine, and started SoulCollage. So I definitely haven't been bored for the last 5 weeks of furlough.

But, between the very real threat to our lives, the conflicting information from the media and our leaders' ways of handling the situation, it has brought to me feelings of fear, worry, uncertainty, anxiety, sadness and sometimes anger. I have had in the last few weeks more nightmares that I ever had in my whole adult life and I know that this is because of it all. Our worlds have been turned upside down and, while you would hope that when this is all over we would build societies and a world much better, kinder, compassionate, tolerant and fairer than we've considered "normal" all these past decades, you can't help but wonder when and how, and what in the meantime? The newly-established routines that now support me, will I be able to maintain them when I go back to work and the business of life from before? These are big questions that we currently find very hard, almost impossible to answer. An additional source of stress and worry.

I have managed to somewhat preserve my mental health by keeping busy, doing things I thoroughly enjoy, some less as they are necessary, journalling a lot (if you are new to journaling as I was, despite numerous attempts in the past, I HIGHLY recommend Jennibellie's free class "7 Day Journaling Journey"), resting when I needed to and keeping some kind of routines. I have also used BlessingManifesting's prompts and affirmation graphics on Instagram and Patreon, as well as her self-care and mental health worksheets. I have not necessarily used them the way they're meant to, but just reading the prompts and affirmations and thinking about them was often enough to support me in my mental health journey through these scary and unstable times. Meditation and relaxing music from the Insight Timer app have also helped me find my centre and my peace, as well as Wim Hof Method breathing exercises.

Having my son with me and my cats is definitely my basic support system as I truly don't know how I would have handled all this on my own if my son had been on lockdown at his dad's. That would have more than likely been a very different story.

I've had plenty of good days, for which I am ever so grateful and feel blessed, some OK-days when I felt I didn't accomplish much, and also a few bad days. Yesterday was from the latter category. Probably one of the worst I've had since it all started. I did my morning routine as usual, watched a couple of Youtube videos, had lunch then, BAM! - massive headache. I battled through the early afternoon but, to be honest, it seems very foggy to me. As I am prone to debilitating migraines, I decided to listen to my body and went to bed with a book and relaxing music. I just couldn't focus on the words, I couldn't rest and in the end I just decided to have a nap at about 4 pm. Woke up at about 7.30 pm, all groggy, feeling drained and past my dinner time for optimum digestion, and I knew it - feeling extremely frustrated and defeated. My evening routine was out of the window and that made me feel even worse. Internal ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) crawling around my brain. I went to sleep 2 hours later and woke up twice in the night with nightmares, in a state of fright and panic. Not a good night at all.

Today, I still got up normal time with my alarm and feel a little bit better but still sensitive. I will have an easy day and if that means that the dishes and the laundry will stay exactly where they are all day, and that lunch and dinner will solely consist of cheese and ham toasties, nuts and fruits, then so be it.

Now more than ever, it is essential to listen to your body and not fall into the guilt-trip if you had a "lazy" day. When I plunge into this guilt-trip with everything I've got, I always remind myself that the natural state of our bodies is to move AND recuperate, and the natural state of our mind is rest, peace, bliss. Your "lazy" days are actually your "recharge your batteries" days and are vital to your well-being, both physically and mentally.

Take care of yourselves, nurture yourself to maintain a healthy mental and physical health, and stay safe. 

Much love to you all x

THE POWER OF ACHIEVING

We have a strong culture of achievement in our society - we are judged and valued against what we can show for our achievements, and success is measured by what job you do, how much money you have in your bank account, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, what skincare and make up brands you use...

This has placed a tremendous amount of pressure on people to keep appearances and give the show of being great successes and achievers.

Students from any levels are put under the pressure of exams to show how “intelligent or dumb” they are. If they want to fit in and guarantee themselves a bright future, they just HAVE to achieve. Desired universities and colleges will only accept students above a certain grade, putting even more pressure on students.

Achievement is an integral part of our society and, while a very worthwhile goal, it is also a stigma and a source of stress for many. The pressure of achieving is sometimes given a bad name.

However, achievement puts you instantly into the mindset of positivity. We’ve all been there - we passed our exams, got our dream job, jumped off an airplane, climbed that mountain... and while the journey to this achievement might have been trying or even painful, once you’re there: WOW, what a feeling!

It is this feeling that I would like to focus on in this article. This feeling that, despite all the obstacles on the way, you made it. You got what you wanted. You’re a winner.

Admiral McRaven beautifully explains how making your bed first thing in the morning gets you into that winning feeling. It is so important to  start your day on a positive note - it keeps you in the mood of achieving. By making your bed (properly) this morning, you succeeded at the very first task of the day. By taking all the tasks you have to do throughout your day one at a time, you can focus more on what you are doing and have a greater chance of completing it successfully, especially if you are on positive vibes.

Indeed, when you are achieving any task, big or small, your brain sends signals to your glands to produce 4 essential hormones to positivity - dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphin (DOSE). These hormones, apart from promoting feelings of happiness, are also key to producing the perfect psychological environment for achieving.  They promote optimism, raise your energy levels, encourage the ability to connect with people by being open, create a higher focus which in turn increases your drive and confidence. I mean, with all these attributes at your disposal, you have no other choice but to automatically achieve, even without trying - well maybe you should try anyway, it can’t hurt!

Achieving has therefore very little to do with willpower or being lazy. It has everything to do with conditioning your mind, from the first moment you wake up, and drive this feeling through the rest of your day. 

Gratitude, in that respect, is totally an integral part of achieving. By recognising and giving thanks for what you already have in your life, you know that you are already a winner and the DOSE hormones will keep flowing throughout your body.

As Admiral McRaven says in his amazing and inspiring speech “the little things matter - if you can’t do the little things right, you’ll never be able to do the big things right”. Click HERE to watch an extract of his speech on YouTube. 

The little things are a lot easier to deal with than the big things, but we all know that the big things will always turn up in our lives. By training ourselves to pay attention to the day-to-day tasks and completing these successfully, we are creating a habit of achieving and constantly finding moments of happiness in our lives.

Where Have Our Manners Gone?

Do you remember the good old days when men were holding doors and chairs for ladies, people were queuing and driving like civilised people, and Please and Thank You were automatic?

I do - my parents were pretty strict about politeness and manners, and I'm glad they were because, to me, they are a natural thing. They are a mark of respect to others, fairness and, well simple logic. Who would want to be treated disrespectfully and unfairly? No one that I know of.

However, these days, manners seem to be mainly a thing of the past, a rare thing. Kids push you to get on the bus before you, even if you've been waiting for over half an hour and they just turned up 20 seconds ago, people eating your lunch you left in the fridge at work for later... Only a couple of examples of bad manners that I have experienced numerous times. And when I say "kids", really, I mean every one from kids, to adults and pensioners.
People can be so rude nowadays and it seems from people's reactions that it's normal.

Lack of manners is one of my pet peeves. I absolutely HATE it (yes, "hate" and it is not too strong). My blood pressure goes up the roof straight away. I cannot control the impulse, but I do manage, after a few seconds, to gradually let it go - it takes a good while though! Another episode of unnecessary stress caused by others into our lives.
People shouting across the bus to have a chat - what the f**k?! Can't one of them move so they can sit together? Don't they notice that people don't need, neither do they want, to hear their conversation? I have my sound blocking headphones on listening to my music or audiobook full blast, yet I can still hear EVERY single thing they say!! Are they doing it on purpose? I mean, is it just me it bothers or what?
This is a flagrant demonstration of a total lack of respect for other people's private space, comfort and peace.

The world we live in is all about fast pace. Whatever you do, you got to be quick to move on to the next thing. Mobile devices are isolating people in their own little world, totally oblivious and even disregarding other people's world, values and boundaries. Social media connect people in such an impersonal way that you will find many "befriending" people they barely know, sharing every private detail of their lives. The rage of selfies, posting and sharing about your life seems to bring people's focus on themselves - blatantly ignoring whatever and whoever is not part of their world, alienating themselves from the outside world. How many Likes did my post or photo get? Surely, there should be more essential things to life than this.
No wonder people are losing their manners to others. We have lost the direct connection to others, whether we know them or not, and with that the basic understanding and respect that we should have for all human beings.

Let us not forget, we are all, after all, part of the same family, the same species, the same planet, we all share the same air we breathe, we all feel the same emotions when we win and when we lose. Manners, and therefore respect, are the manifestation of the values we share and our common belonging. By disrespecting others, we disrespect ourselves. Not one human being is above the others, we all get to realise that and learn it the hard way in some way or another at some point in our lives.

I remember one of my dad's school books that I still have - dated from the 1930s - teaching morality and manners, how to behave and treat others with the respect they deserve - that we all deserve.
Surely this should come back into the schools' curriculum for a new generation to rediscover and re-instill into the world the art of politeness, manners and respect. At the end of the day, manners don't cost anything and don't make you look weak or less than.

Please, that would be nice. For my blood pressure's sake and the sake of humanity! Thank you...