The Power of Journaling

Journaling is a practice that has existed for centuries. Keeping a diary, writing letters are forms of journaling that many people practice from a young age - remember, writing all your secrets in that locked diary, for your eyes only? Hiding it under your bed or in a drawer underneath your clothes?

Journaling is, in a way, recording your life events, your feelings, your hopes and fears, because, at the end of the day, it is a well-known fact that feelings should not be bottled up deep inside. They need to get out in some way and,for some people, talking to someone close and trustworthy is not always an option available, so journaling is an excellent way to let it all out.

When it is so easy nowadays to record all your memories - precious or not - visually through photos, videos, Facebook (or any social media platform), texting... with only your mobile phone, writing has become a lost way to express yourself. Yet, writing with only pen and paper can be a very relaxing and cathartic experience. Taking the time for yourself to put these words down on paper, to get them out of your system, acknowledge them and, hopefully, eventually heal from the feelings and experiences that stifle us.

In this fast-pace world, taking the time and slowing down surely can’t be bad things.

Journaling is probably one of the cheapest therapies you can gift yourself. No need for fancy pens and journals - a cheap Biro and notebook will do the job exactly the same way. 

You can even use scraps of paper that you can afterwards shred or burn (please don’t burn the house down in the process though - be safe) for painful feelings. Getting rid of your words after writing them is a very significant experience - you have acknowledged them by putting them down on paper and got rid of them as to let go of those feelings that are so painful. I know it sounds silly but the way it works is quite powerful and liberating - you can just try and judge for yourself.

The benefits of journaling are multi-fold and scientifically proven: clarifying your thoughts and feelings, knowing yourself better, reducing stress, solving problems more effectively and resolving disagreements with others. 

Putting your thoughts on paper, with sheer honesty and almost ruthlessly, hiding nothing and also in the crudest way, helps you see situations and feelings as they really are. It enables you to reflect on them with more clarity and objectivity, and therefore ends up helping you make better and more rational decisions, rather than lashing out blindly and making the situation worse for yourself and others.

Only then can you make achievable, sustainable and relevant goals for yourself to improve your happiness. Because, at the end of the day, it is all down to this. This is the ultimate goal, why we all do what we do and say what we say.

For some people, writing comes easily, whereas for others, it is more of a struggle. What to say, how to say it, everything you try to write, if you actually manage to write anything at all, sounds dumb and illiterate. Well, you know what? It does not matter in the slightest if your writing style doesn’t equate F. Scott Fitzgerald’s. You’re not in it to write a masterpiece that will become a New York Times bestseller - you’re in this ONLY for yourself and it is all for your eyes only. 

The aim of the game is for you to open up and let all these feelings in your head, mind, heart and soul out - the good, the bad and the ugly (especially the ugly)!

When I journal about something that bugs me or infuriates me, I’m not ashamed to say, I swear even more than when I speak (and that’s saying something)! Do I care? Even less than my first ever pair of socks! Do I feel better for it? Heck, YEAH!!! Well, to me, that’s just good enough.

The best way to journal is to let it all flow, no overthinking about it. I like to call this my train of thoughts. Whatever you write will guide you to what to write next. You just have to let go and trust the process. It does not matter if it makes sense or not. Whatever comes out is whatever you need to let out of your system, whatever needs to be expressed, at that particular moment. 

Going instinctive like this may lead you to traumatic experiences that you may have repressed all your life and that you were not aware it even existed.

When this happens, please ensure that you have a supportive system around you to help you through it. It could be close family or friends, a doctor or any other medical professional, or specialised helplines such as Samaritans (free phone number 116 123 - in the UK). Whatever comes up that distresses you, you don’t have to go through it alone - and in fact you shouldn’t. Asking for help is natural. Don’t feel ashamed of it.

For people who have never journaled before or are not natural writers (like me, but I’m working on it), starting is the most difficult part for sure. What do I write about? How often? What if I do it wrong?

First of all, you can never do it wrong. You either do it or you don't.

You can start by writing about your day at the end of the day. Any stress or worries are down on the page instead of in your head, keeping you awake, tossing and turning in your bed. Or/and write first thing in the morning before starting your day. You can write about what you need to do, what you’re hoping for, how you want to be/feel. Many possibilities here.

As well as recording your day, your hopes and plans, you are also recording your feelings.

The only rules (for any kind of beneficial journaling) are no censorship and sheer honesty. Don’t hide anything because you think it’s not politically correct. Again, this is for your own benefit only, not for the whole world to read.

If you want to go deeper or feel that writing about your day doesn’t do it for you, another great way to explore your feelings and get to know who you are, are journaling prompts. You can google “journaling prompts” and literally thousands of suggestions and articles will come up. That’s a good place to start.

I created my own journaling prompts cards from such an online search - there was just no way I was going to remember all these so I had to create a system that would work for me. Picking uncomfortable prompts to include in your deck is essential as, only then will you truly get to know who you really are. We get so influenced by the outside world (friends, family, media, our culture, our upbringing and experiences) that who we think we are is always tinted by who we think - and other people think - we should be. Doing this deep journaling soul work is the only way to find your truth. Not easy, not always a pure pleasure, not quick, but nevertheless essential.

I do not use my cards daily but, whenever I can, I will pick a card from my deck randomly and journal about it - whether I like the prompt or not. Challenging yourself is good for you.

Making your own journaling prompts cards is a great way to also explore your creativity - another excellent healer. And spending the time creating the cards will make you more likely to use them, as opposed to just a list you printed from the Internet. I personally like the random quality of it - I have roughly 80 prompt cards in my deck (and room in my box for more if I fancy creating extra ones) so I genuinely don’t remember the prompts I have. Picking just any, discovering the prompt and intuitively reacting to it is the best quick start to journaling I know.

Whatever you journal about doesn’t have to be 10 pages long. Even 2 lines are enough, as long as you feel you have written everything you needed to. You stop when it feels ENOUGH to YOU.

2 lines of journaling and letting go is better than none.

If you wish to make journaling a daily practice, getting a 1-day per page diary can help you greatly in keeping it up as each blank page can make you accountable - a great motivator. However, please don’t beat yourself up if you’ve missed a couple of days. We all have hectic lives so give yourself some slack when you need to.

I am not giving you a list of prompts, not because I am a meany (teasing you with how good journaling is and not giving you prompts to start on), but because I would like you to explore ideas yourself. Anything that your soul needs, if you listen, it will ask. And this is a perfect way to start.

I will also start Sunday Journaling Prompt posts from this Sunday coming, so keep your eyes open! With the wish that it stimulates your practice.

Whether you are a seasoned journalist or a total beginner, I hope this article would have inspired you to either keep it up or get started, and given you some extra ideas on how to make your journaling practice stick and grow, in a beneficial way to you.

Happy healing through words...

My Meditation Practice

I had been wanting to try meditating for a long time. I tried different apps and audio recordings. Most would focus on quietening your mind.

The more I was trying to quieten my mind, the more random thoughts I was having and the more frustrated I was getting. So, after quite a few attempts, I gave up.

In February 2019, I came across a video from The Betty Rocker (I'm a big fan) through my emails where Bree (founder of The Betty Rocker) was interviewing Emily Fletcher, a meditation teacher who designed her own meditation method.

I listened, completely entranced and hanging to her every word. At the end of the interview, she demonstrated her meditation method and I followed along. At the end of it, there is just no words to describe what I felt. A bit like a heavy load that had lifted off my shoulders and my spirit, even if ever so slightly. But it made all the difference for me.

I decided to search on Youtube for other Emily Fletcher videos - her seminar at Google is just so inspiring - and pre-ordered her book "Stress Less, Accomplish More". That really resonated with me.

To me, the goal was to accomplish more in my personal life, as I felt that my work life was taking over the rest of my time and all my energy. I wanted to be able to do more in my free time, enjoying it more and not let the stress of work eat me alive.

In her book, Emily guides you through a basic version of her meditation method, called Ziva. I religiously did it for a few weeks, then got curious and visited her website to find out more about the ZivaOnline class. I discovered that Emily has taught many high-performance individuals, such as CEOs, performers and, last but not least, the great Oprah Winfrey. Well, I don't know about you, but if it's good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for me!

The book version got me hooked to the method but I deeply felt I needed to find out more so I took the plunge - I signed up for Ziva Online.

It is not cheap, I grant you, but payment plans are available - which was the only way for me to ever get access to such a class. I have been paying my class for the last 6 months.

The class is actually 15 days long, where Emily guides you gently through the method, so that, little by little, it becomes a part of you.

For the last 6 months, 20 minutes twice a day, I have been meditating the Ziva way. I have learnt that, during meditation, thoughts are not the enemy, but stress coming out of your body to give it deep rest.

The meditation practice has given me more flow, even if I still do get stressed on occasions, I am managing it better on the moment - I will still swear though!
I have learnt to let it out of my body and my mind so that it doesn't damage me.

My mantra - personally chosen mind vehicle through the meditation - helps me guide my meditation session to the good flow I need at that particular moment, relaxing my body completely - it sometimes feels like I am falling into a deep sleep and, on occasions, especially at the beginning, I did fall off my sofa, which was quite funny - to my son at least!

My meditation practice is so part of me now that if I miss only one session, I get terrible headaches - which is not good for me as I am prone to migraines, so headaches are never good news. This is another incentive to keep my practice regular.

My meditation practice is part of my routine, an integral part of my life and a genuine need for me to feel at peace, accepting and efficient.

My meditation practice is non-negotiable and my son quickly realised that as, I think, he did notice at some point that it made me more relaxed, more receptive and that I was shouting at him less - which, I'm sure he greatly appreciated.

As a single mum with a teenage boy, I found it hard dealing with rebellious, moody and challenging behaviour - talking back and ordering me as if I were his slave - and, I'm not ashamed to say, that I lost patience a lot more than once, shouting and sometimes even giving him the silent treatment.

He was barely talking to me at one point, and that deeply hurt me. I felt so alone. I felt I was losing him.

Maybe a month after I started my meditation practice, I realised that I was more patient, more diplomatic in my way of dealing with him and he started talking to me - about his day, the video games he was playing, the music he was listening to and, little by little, we started communicating and having a more open relationship.

My meditation practice made me a cooler mum (or at least not such the hag I used to be in my son's eyes!)

My meditation practice saved my relationship with my son, saved my sanity, and made me stop and think about my life choices. It has opened my mind to my true capabilities and genuine possibilities life can offer.

I can even go back to meditation apps and manage to somewhat clear my mind to give my mind deep rest for a few minutes. It is all about where you decide to place your focus.

My meditation practice has done - and still does - so much for me, and I'd be damned if I'd stopped it any time soon.

For me, it is a life commitment, a gift you give yourself every day to be happy and at peace.

Top 10 Most Important Things To Me

Why would you want to make a Top 10 list of what is most important to you? How can it serve you? How to go about it? This today's challenge.

Making a list is the oldest trick in the book to keep you on target, and not forgetting.

Think shopping lists, to make sure you buy everything you need on your next visit to the supermarket. Every time I either didn't prepare a list, or look at my list (like this morning), you can be 100% sure I'll forget to get something I need (this morning, it was my eggs for breakfast next week!)

In this instance, making a list of your Top 10 (or any other number you choose) of anything, reminds you of your priorities, the way you lead your life, what is close to your heart, what helps you the most.

After all, in this life, with all its few ups and many downs, all the challenges we face on a daily basis, we often get lost and forget values or little things we live by, and we all need a little help remembering.

No matter how shitty my day is at work, how much I run around like a headless chicken, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed, this Top 10 list reminds me that this is not it, that there are things so much more important, essential and valuable to life than the stress of having to sort out someone else's cock-ups and having a dozen things to do at the same time on a daily basis.

I know that focusing on these precious things switches me off from the stress and aftermath zombie-like state when I get home. This list keeps reminding me over and over again that this madness is not my life, it does not define it; it is only a life situation.

What defines my life is all the things that matter the most to me (this list), for which I am always ever so grateful, and thinking this way, seeing things this way is a total shift of consciousness. But it has changed my life - literally - and contributes every single day to my happiness and inner peace.

Now how did I go about creating this list? The answer is brainstorming. I thought and focused on the question and let the ideas flow naturally, writing them down in my notebook. You will find that the more ideas you think about, the more will come up - which is a great help to know yourself.

You will also notice that, very often, the first ideas you came up with will be in your Top 10 because they came spontaneously, as a reflex, coming straight from the heart, without hesitation. It certainly was the case for me.

Then, from your list, you go through all your ideas and let your heart/instinct speak for itself; you will automatically prioritise these ideas - which are more important and which are secondary.

Finally, you can put your 10 remaining ideas in order of importance.

This technique will work from any Top (10) list you wish to devise.

You can write your final list nicely - designing a poster, collage, a card, any format you like - and display it somewhere in your home or keep in your bag so that, anywhere you are, you can remind yourself of what makes your life so special and precious.

This is my Top 10 List:

1. my loved ones
2. my health
3. safety
4. learning and personal development
5. my art supplies and creativity
6. truth and honesty
7. kindness
8. honour
9. food
10. my meditation practice

And here is my Top 10 list poster:

With much love x

Self-love - Harder than love

Why is it so difficult to love yourself and so easy to love others?

Always, we are the ones coming down like a ton of bricks on ourselves. You know, the dreaded inner critic working 24/7.

Why did I do this? That was so stupid! When will I ever learn? I make the same mistakes over and over again. I’m not good enough. I’ll never succeed. I can’t do that. They will laugh at me if I dress like that. I don’t fit in so there’s obviously something wrong with me. I’m unloveable. I’m too skinny. I’m too fat. My hair is too frizzy. I’m not tall enough. I look horrible. I am ugly. I hate myself on photos. My voice sounds weird. I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I am not smart enough. I am a weirdo. I have to do what they say, not what I want, or they’ll never like me. What was I thinking? My parents have always told me time and time again that I am aiming too high... 

And so on and so forth.

We diminish ourselves on a daily basis, over and over, either consciously or unconsciously. It is like we have been conditioned to beat ourselves up and see ourselves as these small and insignificant creatures.

We keep comparing ourselves to others and modern media only adds to the injury - exposing us constantly to “perfection” by showing off beautiful, young, tall and thin models, emphasising the fact that you look nothing like them (and, by the way, very often they look nothing like their photos either thanks to the magic of removing flaws and enhancing features with Photoshop and other image altering softwares). And, of course, the media is your best friend - it’s showing you the way how to get this perfect. Buy this face cream, go on this diet, do that workout routine, buy these shoes, dress, handbag, accessories, etc.

So, in your desperation of being much less than perfect, less than these models and celebrities, your self-esteem goes down deeper than the roots of a 1000-year old tree. And despite buying the creams, dresses, shoes, going on that diet (and starving yourself), doing the latest fashionable workout routine that promised you to get rid of your belly fat in 10 days, your body is still the shape of a muffin, your acne spots and rosacea are still there, and that dress is so tight you can't breathe. How on earth are you supposed to love yourself? You feel like a failure, for sure.

But the put-down attitude does not only come from what society deems beautiful, successful and acceptable, it can also come, like butter on the toast, from people around you, starting from a young age. The "what makes you think you can do that?" from your parents, the "you're not cool because you're not wearing the latest Levi's jeans" from your schoolmates, the "you burnt the roast again, you're a rubbish cook" from your other half, the "you can't make me do that, you're a horrible mum" from your kids when you ask them (nicely) to help out - all these can make you feel inadequate, not good enough or just not enough. And these comments come from your loved ones, people who are supposed to love you and accept you for who you are but, in their eyes, who you are does not measure up to THEIR expectations. And that's it, we get used to the criticism, believe it and down goes the spiraling into worthlessness. Don't get me wrong, we've all made comments at one point or another in our lives to loved ones similar to these. They are not meant to be demeaning, very often they are meant as advice or even an attempt to protect you or challenge you to better yourself, but when you're the receiver, they DO hurt and, in a way, define us and the way we see ourselves. So really, with that in mind, it's quite a challenge to love ourselves the way we really are.

And there comes in "loving others".  Now that is so easy to do - in comparison.

Do you remember when you were a teenager and you used to fall in love every 10 minutes?

When we have a look at how we love others, the first things that come to mind are admiration, beauty (attraction), even protection, but a lot of the time, we end up loving someone different from us, even if it starts with common interests. After all, no two people are the same. It is as if we are aspiring to become this person, who then turns into a role model for us. Oftentimes you hear that when you are in love, you lose yourself. 

Loving someone else is admiring their qualities, truly loving someone is also accepting them just the way they are, faults and all, and being supportive of who they truly are and aspire to. Loving someone is fully respecting them.

Why can’t we just do the same for ourselves?

There is a fine line between loving yourself and being a full-blown narcissist, self-centred and oblivious of others. Genuine narcissists will love themselves without question or a second thought. But not loving yourself, and therefore rejecting yourself in a way, for fear of being narcissistic, to me, is the proof that you have humility (probably too much but that can be worked on), that you do value others as you don’t think yourself above them; if that’s the case for you, well, there is absolutely no chance of you becoming a narcissist! You’re way too much of a decent human being for that!

Loving yourself is an essential ingredient to feeling at peace, to your happiness and relationships with others.

Loving yourself is recognising with pure honesty your strengths in order to fulfill your full potential, your weaknesses/limitations so you can work on them, your influence and impact on other people’s lives. 

Loving yourself is not just for yourself and your well-being, it is also for others. One of my favourite quotes, which illustrates this idea perfectly, is from the amazing Maya Angelou:

BE A RAINBOW IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SKY

Loving yourself is your birthright, it is the respect you fully deserve.

When you love yourself, you don’t put yourself at risk unnecessarily (substance abuse, violent relationships...), you have the strength to say NO and walk away from situations that are a direct assault to your values and who you truly are, you eat and drink healthy because you have that much respect for yourself, your body and well-being.

All these examples are manifestations of loving yourself. So, as you can see, it is not about boasting that you’re the best, the most beautiful, the smartest or the only one worthy on this planet. It is about recognising that you have your part to play and that you have value.

You are not NOTHING - you matter and deserve the love you so willingly give others.

Much love to you x

Gratitude is the word

Gratitude - the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

From Latin “gratus” which means pleasing, thankful.

In a world where you are always encouraged to do more, to have more, to be more, to achieve more, it is easy to forget what you already have - take it for granted.

I do believe that, at some point or another in our lives, we are all guilty of that - taking our friends and loved ones for granted, taking clean water and food for granted, taking a roof over our head and jobs for granted...

We never have enough and, while reaching for more and growing is something so perfectly natural to human nature, it often clouds the fact that there is always a lot to be grateful for, even in the darkest of days.

A lot of us focus on the glass being half empty, complaining - oftentimes with legitimate cause - but this kind of mindset always results in negativity, dissatisfaction, disappointment and unhappiness.

I am a firm believer that only a positive mindset can bring us the happiness we need to feel loved, fulfilled and somewhat secure.

Showing, feeling gratitude is like knowing that, no matter what you are thrown at, the Universe has your back. Gratitude not only brings you to a positive mindset, it also helps you trust your path and intuition, make better decisions as, when you are grateful, you fully and honestly recognise all sides of your life situation and current status, and therefore you will make more informed decisions to carry on.

In the definitions at the beginning of this article, “kindness “ is mentioned as a manifestation of gratitude, focusing on actions and results of such actions in a positive way. These acts of kindness resulting in gratitude, while occasional events, are no less important than the general state of feeling or being grateful. It is a first step - at the end of the day, they all work together.

Daily gratitude is a big thing nowadays, almost fashionable, you can hear about it everywhere, and there are so many ways to practice daily gratitude.

My personal gratitude practice is a full part of my afternoon/evening meditation. I always finish my second meditation of the day with a minute or so of gratitude - it can be the delicious chocolate and coconut macaroon I had as a snack for my break, or my loved ones, or even just to be alive.

Whatever it is you are grateful for, for the practice to have an impact on your daily life, it should never be forced. It is whatever you feel, at this particular moment in time, you actually are grateful for, not what you think you should be grateful for. It needs to come from your heart. When it does, the more you feel it, the more the gratitude will feel real to you.

For people who are religious and pray at the end of the day, it is an ideal opportunity to include and acknowledge what you are grateful for, thank the god(s) you worship for the things in your life that make you feel truly blessed.

You can also keep a gratitude journal, if you want to expand to more than just one word, or, if you are not a natural writer, a great idea - very popular nowadays and quite decorative - is to keep a gratitude jar (can be easily substituted for a box or even an envelope). Each day, you write down something you feel grateful for (you can even include the date) on a small piece of paper - a creative way to re-use your scraps. On days when you feel the Universe is against you and you just can’t find anything to feel grateful for, your jar will be a reminder for you.

If you make your own bullet journal, you can also include your gratitude practice by adding a column to your monthly/ weekly overview page or add a small space to your daily sections.

Some examples of what I am grateful for (in no particular order!)

• For my life and relatively good health 
• For my meditation practice 
• For my son and my cats
• For having a roof over my head and a job to pay the bills 
• For my art supplies 
• For living in a country that is not at war
• For Bjork’s songs 
• For opportunities to explore and pursue my interests 
• For learning new things and growing everyday 
• For colours
• For my bed
• For when things are working the way they should 
• For my books 
• For yummy healthy food 
• For YouTube to get short varied workout and yoga routines for beginners 
• For poetry and meaningful quotes 
• For my iPhone and it’s camera
• For the internet 
• For my rose quartz facial roller (heaven!)
• For being gluten sensitive - it has helped me be more mindful and careful about what I eat
• For home time
• For opportunities to travel 
• For days off and holidays 
• For the air we breathe 
• For dark chocolate (70% cocoa, yes it IS healthy and good for your brain!)
• For a cool breeze on hot days 
• For my Sketchers trainers
• For being able to read and write 
• For vanilla, orange and lavender scents
• For a sunny day 
• Fo clean public toilets with toilet paper (rarer than you might think!)
• For a day without drama
• For my sister and brother in law 
• For silence 
• For the ocean 
• For my colleagues 
• For my friends 
• For music 
• For stories 
• For ORS olive oil leave-in conditioning cream (saves my frizzy hair ever time)
• For clean fresh water
• For my green tea and moon milk
• For my neighbours 
• For getting older and wiser (or at least more aware)
• For my creativity and willingness to always learn and grow
• For my free time (the very little amount I sometimes have available)
• For being strong, resilient and independent 
• For my five senses
• For my intuition 

I hope these give you some jumpstarts to start your own daily gratitude practice so you can reap the benefits in your life. Enjoy and THANK YOU